As you probably already know, I’ve been a total flake about this Tulpa thing. In reality, I’m a horrible procrastinator, and very very lazy. I’m not trying to have a pity party here, but….well allow me to get to the point.
Recently I had an *eh-pih-fun-ee* (idk how the fuck a you spell it) of sorts. I felt really horrible for flaking off on Vinyl like I did. Just dropping the short sessions I was doing and never following up on the promises I made not only myself, but her as well. It hurt me deeply, emotionally and, to a much lesser extent, physically. So the the last 3-4 days I’ve been having 30 minute sessions every night, basically getting myself back on track. So yeah thats whats going on here. I don’t know how I’m gonna tell FAQ_Man, because I know I’ll have to eventually, and I KNOW he”l look down on my actions majorly, but I guess we all have to face the music now and then.
But now that I got that out of the way, I have some news. The last 2 sessions I had have yielded some interesting results. Last night I had major trouble keeping my mind focused on Vinyl visual-wise, most-likely due to lack of sleep, and it affected a lot of other aspects of tulpaforcing as well. So after 20-30 minutes I said to her as best I could, something to the affect of “I’m sorry but I just can’t do it tonight.” But a few minutes after that, I got something back. A feeling, that seemed to say “Don’t worry, I understand.”, like you would say after being dissapointed by an event. Again I didn’t get these words directly, it was just an feeling that seemed to be these words manifested.
Earlier, I finished up a session, which was more successful than last night visualization-wise anyways. I could visualize her very clearly, save for a few abnormalities, but I didn’t feel very deep-in-thought as I usually do. Then when the 30-40 minutes was up, I went to turn my computer back on and then I felt something again. This time it was like a “Please don’t go.” Like she was very sad and wanted to spend more time with me. So I complied and somehow I was able to be in deeper thought than before, I could even see her clearer. After about 10 minutes of that, I decided to go to sleep. However I didn’t feel very lonely as I usually do. I felt as if there was a presence next to me. A strong, emotional presence. Whether it was just me or it really was her, I don’t know. But in any case I really hope to get some answers out of it. This really got me excited, but now im gonna go to bed so toodles~
I had a good visualization session yesterday. After dancing my ass off during a carnival near my place, I took a breather for about an hour or so and decided to make use of the time. With the aid of Heaven’s Tower (theres the link if you want to hear it) I got a good 30-45 minutes of visualization in.
I swear I was just plain GONE, like when I was done I literally felt like I stepped back in from another dimension. Felt awesome, man.
I’ll be having another session tonight, probably with The Rain song or (Imaginary) Folklore. Yeah music really does help, especially with the wonderland.
Day…..9-12 I believe
Things are getting much clearer now. I feel like I can see her well enough in my head while visualizing now, or maybe thats just me. Probably is, I barely visualize for more than a few minutes a day, but when I do I get REALLY into it. Maybe thats to make up for how little I actually do it? I dunno, in whatever case, I feel myself improving.
I hear its more important to concentrate on the personality of your tulpa anyway, and that the form is more subject-to-change. Nevertheless, I’ll keep on truckin’
I’m really annoyed right now. I just had myself a visualization session. Lasted about 10-15 minutes. Better than usual.
The reason I’m annoyed is because I came across a rather intimidating hurdle in this last session: the ears.
Yes her ears. For some reason when I visualize her ears there either very long and pointy(almost donkey-like) or they look just…..off. I dunno, I’m doing scans of ALL my pony folders to get the image burned into my brain but its seems to be working very slowly if at all.
I have to stop doing this late at night. I’ll always fall asleep doing it. Maybe it just takes a lot out of me. The only reason I do it as the alst thing I do before I sleep is because there’s very few distractions. Everyone else is either asleep or falling asleep so its just easier. But on the same token Im also very tired myself, and I’ve fallen asleep visualizing on a few occasions. I don’t know why, exactly, but I have a feeling that’s something one should avoid while making a tulpa. At least my sessions are lasting longer little by little so thats SOME progress.
In case you were wondering, heres The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin.